I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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