Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you will always have a special place in my vag
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
