I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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