I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
