I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
