I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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