Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
