there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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