Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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