i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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