I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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