im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
