I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
