Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
