yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
