I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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