your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
