also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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