So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
