You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
