She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
