Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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