It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
