he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
even my farts smell like vagina
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
