did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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