just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
