He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
