I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
