if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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