You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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