I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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