I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
then he tried to convert me to islam
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
