You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
