btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the day after is always just damage control
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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