Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
is that a dick in a sweater?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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