if i died would you start the facebook group?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
