i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
