I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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