Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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