she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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