she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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