Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
