saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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