Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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