I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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