Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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