she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
