i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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