You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
