In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
