Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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