I cannot find my penis.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
